How A Ferret Fell For A Weasel
by DenyAllRaddishes
Summary: When a Sex-crazed Ferret and a lovesick Weasel wind up on the same ship trouble will undoubtedly arise. How long can two enemies go without throwing each other over-board? Find out if a ferret can truly fall for a Weasel!


**How A Ferret Fell For A Weasel**

**Disclaimer: **As if you couldn't already tell: I don't own the characters.

**Setting:** Summer before 7th Year. Merlin's Magical Cruise Line's. Draco "Ferret" Malfoy and Narcissa "Stick up my arse" Malfoy decide to go on a vacation before Draco becomes a Death Eater in his 7th year.

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**Chapter 1:** _The Ship of Dreams. . err, sort of._

"Draco. . ." Narcissa Malfoy, my bitch of a mother called "Draco, please tell me you put that skin protective spell on yourself, we don't need your perfect skin flaking. . . Draco! Are you listening to me?"

In answer to that question, No I was not listening to her. But she did have a point, how could I get into the robes of all the hot girls on the cruise if my skin was shedding like a goddamn basilisk? "YES _Mother!_" I said irritably as she turned her smug face into a smile. I hate it when she smiles. . .it scares people. Not to mention I feel slightly seasick. My father was crazy for suggesting my mother take me on a "Merlin's Magical Cruise" all the way to Florida USA. He was probably up to illegal stuff that he didn't want us to know about, so he paid for an all expense trip on the most prestigious cruise line. . .Go figure.

"And Draco, darling. . .Did you remember to pick out those dress robes for the dinner/ball tonight? I hope you packed them, we can't have our little draco-kins looking anything less than the best. . ."

_Can somebody say SHUT UP. . .and not call me draco-kins again._ And you all wonder why I have a snarl on my face the whole time! Well maybe if I scope the ship deck for some gorgeous witches that I plan to shag then I'll feel better. . . _Hot blonde at three o 'clock! Humm. . .her ass is a little on the flat side, so I guess anal is out of the question. But she does have a good chest, Yes. . .I do approve of that. Oh Merlin! I so did not see her face, she looks like Filch. . .Next._

The ship hadn't even left port yet, and my mother's already nagging me about everything under the sun. . .Maybe if I look at the boardwalk I can watch people trip over garbage and injure themselves _Ohh la la,  seductive looking redhead, not on ship, but she's looking hot. I can't see her face clearly – but Nice body! Ha – that old guy just tripped over that rubbish heap! _I am sadistic and proud. . .Malfoy trait.

Oh and did I tell you? This year I am finally going to become a death eater. I mean, Voldemort is alright, not nearly half as attractive as me. . .But I'm not complaining, he's an evil one all right. Plus once I'm in his ranks I get to join my Dad in all his illegal endeavors rather than being stuck on cruises with my own mother. How so not cool. I'm a little queasy on the whole "getting branded with the dark mark". . .Tattoos always seemed painful. Don't tell anybody I said that, I am not supposed to be scared of pain. But get real, we're all humans. We all are.

I never said that. Ok?

I wonder where Crabbe and Goyle are also, they never owl me. I heard they were both going to Transylvania this summer. . .TOGETHER. On their own. No parents. I don't know if anybody else sees it. . .but I'm really starting to believe my best friends are bloody gay. You'd expect that from Weasley and Potter. Oh well I'll keep it a secret until Hogwarts – then I'll use it as blackmail to make them buy stuff for me.

"Draco, darling. . ." Oh damn, here we go again. . .

              - - - - - - - - - -

**Setting: **Summer before 6th year.Merlin's Magical Marina. Ships lined up ready to be boarded for summer fun. Ginny Weasley scampers about in search for Charlie Weasley who decided to treat his only sister for a summer cruise in celebration of his latest promotion. The rest of the family went to a Quiddich festival for a week.

"Charlie!?!?!" Oh no, I can't believe I lost Charlie! If I miss this cruise I think I'm going to die . . . According to Witch Weekly, Merlin's Magical was considered the "Ship of dreams" – How extremely cliché. It was rumored to be the most prestigious cruise line – and Charlie took ME of all people to go with him! I've never seen something so luxurious and wealthy looking in my life! Perfect time to find an amazingly stunning rich boy and live it up. . .Who knows, maybe I'll even find Mr. Right.

I'm such a hopeless romantic, it's sad. To think I used to wanted to marry Potter and have little Potters and refer to Mrs.Dursley as "Mother in law". I was a disturbed child. So I figure this summer is about as good a time as any to find some hot shit rich boy and loose my virginity.

I didn't mean to think that aloud. Whatever, I don't make sense.

"Hey Ginners" Wow, weird pet name much? But I don't care, at least Charlie has been located.

"Charlie! Thank Merlin! Where were you?"

My older brother just blushed as he held up his new pair of dragon-protection gloves, and a book on Quiddich. He was such a shopping addict he often felt embarrassed for himself. He shops like a girl. "Well Lets go!" I pull on his hand hoping that he'll hurry up, I do NOT want to miss this cruise. "Hurry Charlie! Before they close the gate!"

When I finally dragged him up to the gates they were just closing – but luckily they let us in. I was so out of breath it's not even funny. I should really exercise more. Ah finally. . .the ship of dreams. The dock was spotless and shiny, the wood was shimmering in the summer sun.  It looked perfect as if it was fit for royalty. And today, I felt like royalty!

The sides of the ship were marvelously as white as the thin clouds above me. . .I felt like I was dreaming. I cant' wait to tell all my friends that I, of all people, went on a Merlin's Magic cruise! Oh how they'll be so envious. I sound like such a society-whore don't I? Always caring what people think. . .well I don't do it all the time, the passion has just taken me over, I can't help it. Ron and the others are really missing out, but I'm quite glad they didn't come. Ron is too over protective of me. I appreciate it and all, but now when I want to have a bit of fun.

Charlie looked just as excited as me. . .Well I don't think anybody on this ship was just as excited as me. . .But he looked content. All around me I see all sorts of witches and wizards, some looked mean, some looked nice. . .some looked like Draco Malfoy and his mother.

WHAT?!?!?!

Wait a sec. . . I have to look again and wish that I was just hallucinating. I don't think I am – Standing at the side of the ship was the unmistakably well groomed Draco Lucious Malfoy and his priss of a mother. Well, I guess this isn't the ship of dreams after all. . .

                 - - - - - - - - - -

**Setting: **First Class Suite. Narcissa "Annoying Perfectionist" Malfoy harasses Draco about looking his best for the opening dinner/ball tonight.Draco is horny.

"Yes Mother, I am wearing clean underwear." I said irritably, to the question she just asked me from the adjoining room. Like I'd wear anything BUT! Who does she think I am, Ron Weasley? I happen to be wearing extremely attractive and expensive silver silk boxers. She disgusts me sometimes and she's killing the mood. After looking at all the witches in swim suits down at that spa-thing, I am feeling pretty damn horny. And I like when I'm horny, it makes my smirk look all the more sexy. Believe me, if you haven't seen my "horny smirk" you definitely want to.

Mum looks smug and rich like usual. See at least when I look smug and rich I do it with style. Perhaps I should stop ranting on my mother. . .Perhaps not. I can't wait until the dinner, I'm starved and I have a huge craving for Veal. I love veal. Oh if I could only have veal right NOW. Veal and some sex. Preferably not at the same time though. That could get a bit messy.

"Are you ready Draco?" my mother asks. I check myself out in the mirror one last time before I leave the modern and classy looking suite in pursuit for some hot ass.

I'm so shallow. . . but I love it.

- At the Dining Hall –

The tables are small, circular and rounded. They can't fit more than 4 people, so all those who brought big families are to separate at different tables. Mother and I were forced to sit with 2 of her friends Mr. and Mrs. Raulf Frankhauff. A fellow death eater and his wife.  I must say, I am not graced by their prescience.

But the room is nice – there are elegant chandeliers hung from the ceiling and the windows are gold trimmed. I am such a rich ass. _Oh you're a lucky boy Draco –_And I was lucky, I had just caught a glimpse of that redhead I saw earlier. I only saw her back but I'm certain it was her. _She doesn't look as filthy rich as me, but I can't get over that hair! And the way her ivory dress robes sparkled under her red hair. . .Whoa, NICE ASS. _I'll have to make a mental note to myself: Approach this girl at the ball and see if she's up for a late night rendezvous below deck.

Now if only I can tolerate the rest of this boring conversation about the Dark Lord's plans to terrorize a Clay Aiken concert. Why does he bother harassing muggles anyway? They are of no importance and aren't worthy of harassment. . .that's just my opinion anyway.

"So McNair was telling me. . ." Mr.Frankhauff continued "That when this erm, Aiken fellow is singing some ridiculous song called 'If I was Invisible' that we are going to send tongues of burning fire down on the people. . ."

"No no darling, it was definitely killer bumblebees. . ."

"Fire"

"Bumblebees. . "

"Fire, darling, fire!"

Does it ever end?

Narcissa was just her boring self and nodded in agreement. This party really needed to get started. Oh shit! VEAL was on the menu! _Jackpot. _"Waitress" I summon "I'll have the veal specialty" I said it so politely, I had to, she was wearing a short skirt. Oh God these hormones don't leave me alone. But at least I have veal on its way.

"You know, that's awfully cruel to the baby cows. . .that veal you just ordered." Replied Mrs. Frankhauff.

I just gave her an evil glare, and thankfully she pissed off and began talking about Fashion with my Mum.

- At the Opening Ball –

Needless to say I snoozed through out the Merlin's Magic opening speech. It was made by some guy with a very distasteful unibrow. Luckily Mum woke me up just in time for the ending where they told us we can proceed to the Ballroom. I wanted to dance with excitement, this is the part where I get some action. Always my favorite part.  Although I refrained from actually dancing in excitement. That would look a tad bit too foolish for a Malfoy like me.

As I got in there was some of this jazz crap playing in the background, and there was some guy who looked strangely familiar conversing with on of the owners of the ship. I noticed a big gash up his arm, it looked like a dragon wound. Interesting.

Some brunette witch smiled at me "Would you like to dance?"

Ohh she's a gusty one! Asking ME to dance first?

"I'd love to, my lady" I said, acting really cheesy that I am embarrassed for myself. I hold her waist and pull her close to me, she smells nice, and she has a cinnamon scent. "So what is your name?"

"Alexandria" she whispered in my ear

"Nice to meet you, I am Draco. Draco Malfoy." I gave her one of those subtle little winks and she just smiled back at me. I must admit I have never danced to such music before. I rarely dance. I'm happy to report that I'm very good at it though.

All of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I spotted the brilliant redhead in the ivory robes. . .and all of a sudden Alexandria didn't seem so desirable. "Excuse me, Miss. . .I feel ill, I am going to take a walk."

"Oh, okay" she said kind of let down as I determinedly walked towards the redhead. Her back was still turned, but I figured that was for the best, I'd just have to surprise her. After all, who doesn't love a good surprise?

She held her glass of water in her pretty little hand, as she looked at a painting on the wall. "Hello beautiful" I said tapping her on the shoulder. She turns around to face me and screams, I scream. Oh fuck! My life as a reputable Malfoy is over. . . I just spent a day lusting after Ginny Weasley.

"Malfoy?!?!?!" she said in disgust

"Weasley!?!?" I said in utter shock.

"Ugh!" she said as she walked away to the opposite side of the ballroom. I guess this cruise thing is going to be worse then I thought. Not in the mood to dance anymore, and feeling really stupid I go to sit back down with my mother and the Frankhauffs and listen to their plots to destroy Clay Aiken Fans.

- - - - -

Okay, that was it so far for chatper 1. Please tell me what you think. Are they all in character? Is it too much of a drag?

Is it cliché at all?

Leave it all in the review. . .and try not to be too harsh.

-Shadow


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